I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
