I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
