I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
