Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
