i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
