Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
