You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
