If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
