Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
