White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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