And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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