i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
