He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
