On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
