please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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