I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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