Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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