I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
