awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
