she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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