I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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