I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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