The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
