I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
