Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
