I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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