I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
