I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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