So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
