I think I just saw someone hide a body.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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