Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
