Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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