There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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