peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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