2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
