Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
