I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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