he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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