Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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