my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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