some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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