All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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