Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
