Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize