singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
