Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
