I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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