i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
