and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
