you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
