hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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