I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Green mimosas i think yes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
