I'm gonna have a badass scar
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
