Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
