I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
