i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
