he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
