all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
