FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
