I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
