winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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