Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
