she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
