Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im part way to drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
