So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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