He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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