I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
