dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize