yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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