I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
