we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
