Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
