I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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