i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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