My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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