Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How does one acquire holy water?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
