I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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