Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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