I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
